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Captain McLeach and his Guards
Neverland is a small island and one the sea was a lonely pirate ship and we hear singing going on there. We zoom in on the ship and see guards (you know, The Horned King's guards from "The Black Cauldron") set up a flag of the Jolly Roger on the mast. Guards: Oh, a guard's life is a wonderful life A-rovin' over the sea Give me a career as a barbarian It's the life of a guard for me Oh, the life of a guard for me Some guards are playing with darts on a picture of a crude drawing of Percival C. McLeach on a door. Guards: Oh, a guard's life is a wonderful life They never bury your bones For when it's all over A jolly sea rover drops in on his friend Clayton Just about then, the door opened and a short, obese, mustachioed, nearly bald man with curly red hair, brown eyes, and a bucktooth, wearing spectacles, a purple shirt, a black necktie, a yellow sport coat, matching pants, and brown boots, named Mr. Snoops, came out. Mr. Snoops and Guards: Oh, my good friend Clayton "Good morning, ship mates." Snoops said only to get caught by a first guard. "And what's good about it, Mr. Snoops?" asked the first guard. "Here we are collecting barnacles on this miserable island!" the second guard said. "While his nibs plays ring-around-the rosy with Gil Nexdor." the third guard said sticking his gun at Snoops. "Look out there. Might go off!" Snoops panicked but got his neck in a rope knot by the fourth guard. "We ought to be tending to the business of looting ships." the fourth one said. "Why, I've almost forgotten how to slit a throat." the fifth guard said, using his dagger and got Snoops free. "Better drop it." the sixth guard said as they all threw daggers at the stairs as Snoops tried to avoid them. "And tell the captain we want to put to sea, Snoops!" the second one said. All the guards laughed as Snoops stuck out his tongue and walked away. A slender, aging, poacher with balding brown hair, brick-red eyes, a hook nose, and a brief potbelly, wearing an Aussie stockman outfit consisting of a tan shirt with rolled-up sleeves, a brown vest, matching pants, shoes, and overcoat was looking at a map. He is Percival C. McLeach. He had one of his hands cut off by Gil and now has a silver hook and now he want revenge. "Blast that Gil Nexdor!" McLeach snarled. "If I could only find his hideout, I'd trap him in his lair. But where is it?" He starts to look at the map "Mermaid lagoon? No, we searched that. We've combed Cannibal Cove. But here!" He stuck his silver hook at the far north west on the map but then groaned "No, no, no, no. That's the futuristic territ… But wait…" he took a good closer at the map "Those space cadets know this island better than I do me own ship. Ah, I wonder…" At that moment, Snoops walked in. "Good morning, captain." "I'VE GOT IT!" McLeach cheered as he grabbed Snoops with his hook pulled him closer "Judy Jetson, Snoops!" "J-J-Judy Jetson, boss?" Snoops asked, very afraid. "George's daughter!" McLeach said, "She'll know where Gil is hiding." "B-B-But-But will she talk, boss?" asked Snoops as McLeach let go. "Oh, a little persuasion might be in order.. Now let me see. Boiling in oil? Uh, keelhauling? Marooning?" McLeach said as he thought as a hunter named Amos Slade was singing horribly with his accordion. Amos Slade: Oh, a hunter's life Is a wonderful life You'll find adventure and sport But live every minute For all that is in it The life of a hunter is short Oh, the life Having enough of his singing, McLeach got out a gun and aimed it. As Snoops got the shaving pack ready, the shot was heard and Snoops heard a accordion fall and splashed in the water. He took a look only to get splashed in the face. McLeach put away his gun. "Now let me see, where was I?" asked McLeach. "Oh dear, dear, dear boss. Shooting a man in the middle of his cadenza? It ain't good form, you know." Snoops said. "Good form, Mr. Snoops?" asked McLeach in a smooth voice first, and then yell angrily as he pushed the table aside and approached Snoops and waving his hook. "BLAST GOOD FORM! DID GIL SHOW GOOD FORM WHEN HE DID THIS TO ME?!" "Why boss, cutting your hand off was only a childish prank you might say." Snoops said as he removed McLeach's coat. "Aye, but throwing it to that snake! That cursed beast liked the taste of me so well they've followed me ever since licking their chops for the rest of me!" McLeach said loudly at first and then said in a low voice as he sat down in the chair which Snoops brought. "And he's had you by now, boss, if he hadn't swallowed that alarm clock. But now when he's about, he warns you, as you might say with his tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock." Snoops said. Speaking off tick-tock, there was a sound of tick-tocking heard. Snoops and McLeach heard it. McLeach's face was in fear. There below his ship was an Indian python with golden yellow skin, yellow eyeballs, and golden brown spots on his back named Kaa. "Well, what do we have here, now?" Kaa said, "It's the delicious, yummy Percival C. McLeach. I'm going to eat him!" When he saw McLeach, the snake licked his mouth, hungry for a human. McLeach screamed. "SNOOPS!" He screamed as he leapt into Snoops's arms "Oh, save me, Snoops! Please don't let him get me, Snoops! Please! Don't let him get me, Snoops! Snoops!" He hid behind a chair while Snoops went to Kaa. "Here now, shame on you, upsetting the poor captain. There'll be no handouts today." "Oh, come on, Snoops!" Kaa pleaded, "May I please eat McLeach just one bite?" "No," replied Snoops. "Shoo now, shoo. Go on, go on. Off with you, I say. Go away. Go away, out of here!" And as he said that, Kaa went away. "Oh, well!" he sighed, "I'll eat him next time." McLeach appeared from behind the sheet of the chair. "I-I-Is he gone, Snoops?" he said in a scared voice. "Aye, Boss. All clear. Nothing to worry about." Snoops said as he tried to relax his shaking captain. "Oh, Snoops, Snoops. I can't stand it any longer. I tell you I can't!" McLeach said as Snoops sat him down on the chair. "Now, now, now, Captain, just relax. What you need is a shave, a nice soothing shave. There now" Snoops said as he put a towel around McLeach's head. The poacher sighed. A seagull saw the towel and sat on it and fell asleep as Snoops sang. Snoops: A bandit's life is a wonderful life A-sailing over the seas Give me a career as a buc… Snoops didn't see that he was putting shaving cream on the seagull's bottom. "Captain, you know, I can't help noticing you just aunt been your usual jolly self of late." He picked up a razor and wiped it on a towel. Snoops: Give a career as a buccaneer… "And the crew's getting? a might uneasy, Captain. That is, what's left of it. Hmm." He was using the razor on the seagull's bottom and it wiped out her feathers. "Now why don't we put to sea, see? Leave Neverland. Forget Gil Nexdor. There now!" he put some aftershave on the seagull's bottom. The seagull woke up and in horror, flew away covering her behind. Snoops didn't see her go because he was putting some powder on his hands. Snoops: Give me a career as a buccaneer… "We'll all be a lot happier, not to mention a lot healthier. Oh!" He put his hands out only to find out he was doing it in mid air. "Captain? Oh dear! I never shaved him this close before." He never dared to look, so he didn't to look for it under the chair. "Don't worry captain, it must be somewhere about." He began to walk off with the chair carrying him. The towel fell from McLeach's face and he looked down to see Snoops making a fool of himself crawling to find something. "Get up, you idiot!" McLeach snapped. "Aye, aye, sir!" Snoops said knocking the chair and McLeach to one side of the ship. Snoops turned around to see him dazed. "Oh, I found it, boss. Good as new." He tried to pull his head off only for McLeach to wake up very angry. "Why, you blithering blockhead!" McLeach cried, as he held Snoops by the shirt and was about to kill him when… "Gil Nexdor, ahoy!" the seventh guard called from the watcher. "What? What? Where away?" McLeach asked. "Three points off the starboard bow!" the fifth one called. McLeach looked through his telescope and saw Gil with Susan, Lumpy, and Roo. "Swoggle me eyes, it is Gil! Headed this way with his girlfriend and her brothers! Mr. Snoops, pipe up the crew!" "Aye, aye, sir! Pipe up the crew! Pipe up the crew! All hands on deck!" He said as he whistled "All hands on deck! All hands on deck! All hands on deck!" All the pirates rose up and got into action. "Look alive, you swabs! We've got him this time, Mr. Snoops!" He said as he put his brown overcoat back on. "That we have, captain." McLeach called to his gaurds. "Man the Long Tom, you bilge rats!" He went to Snoops and put on his brown fedora with a dark brown rim band and feather. "I've waited years for this." "That's not counting the holidays, either." Snoops said. "Double the powder and shorten the fuse!" McLeach ordered, as two of his guards got the cannon ready. "Double the powder and shorten the fuse!" Snoops repeated. "A pretty sight, Snoops. Like sitting ducks. All right, men! Range: 42!" McLeach said as he used his telescope to pin point Gil, Susan, Lumpy, and Roo on a cloud viewing Neverland. "Range: 42!" Snoops said. "Elevation: 65!" McLeach ordered as Snoops repeated after him. "Three degrees west!" Snoops repeated again. "Steady now!" This time, Snoops didn't repeat. He covered his ears and shut his eyes real tight. "Steady!" Category:Fan Fiction